U.S. Government Announces $1.7 Trillion National Clown College Bailout, Critics Say It's No Laughing Matter

WASHINGTON D.C. – In an unprecedented move to boost morale and stimulate the economy, the U.S. government announced a massive $1.7 trillion bailout package for the nation’s struggling clown colleges. The “Honk Act,” which stands for “Helping Our Nation’s Komedy,” was introduced by Congressman Jester P. Funnypants (D-IL) and received overwhelming bipartisan support.

“Clown colleges play a vital role in our society, ensuring that future generations can enjoy quality entertainment and balloon animals,” said Funnypants during a press conference. “The Honk Act represents a much-needed investment in our nation’s happiness and well-being.”

The bailout package, which includes funding for state-of-the-art pie-throwing ranges and advanced rubber chicken research, has been hailed as an innovative solution to an otherwise dire situation. As part of the Honk Act, struggling clown colleges will be eligible for zero-interest loans to cover costs such as tuition, red noses, and oversized shoes.

Additionally, the bailout will fund the creation of the National Clown Corps, a new public service initiative aimed at bringing joy to the nation’s most depressed areas. Under the program, trained clowns will be dispatched to economically disadvantaged regions to distribute cream pies and perform slapstick comedy routines.

Critics of the bailout argue that it’s a frivolous waste of taxpayer dollars, but proponents claim that the economic benefits are no joke. According to a study conducted by the prestigious Institute for Comedic Research, the clown college industry is expected to generate over 2 million jobs and contribute $450 billion to the U.S. economy by 2030.